First -- I apologize for the unseemly out-of-character repulsion that lives and breathes throughout the following diary entry:

Second -- Perhaps it's not completely out of character:

Third -- In fact, it probably isn't out of character for me, the iron-stomached frequenter of horrid websites such as Rotten:

Round 1 of Splinter's Sphincter Problems

Today was the first in a two-part adventure where Splinter poops in a bowl: Thursday will be round 2:

Ah, yes, to recap a little -- I had my doc appt: with the gastro-guy last week and he is sending me to have all sorts of tests done: Joy: I am having enough blood tests that I will surely need a blood transfusion: I am not afraid of needles, however it seems I do not have veins in my arms because they are always in hiding: My arm is like a witness protection program for my veins: So they have to suck the blood out of my hand: And, people, if you've had to give blood through your hand, you KNOW it hurts: ESPECIALLY if you're filling up enough vials to drown Drakula:

I am also having my stool tested for parasites and the like:

I am having a Barium X-ray done: I get to drink pasty white stuff while they light up my innards to see if I have an obstruction or tumour or some such medical terminology that doesn't reside in my head:

As well, I have to have a colonoscopy: I am not looking forward to THIS: I am cramping just thinking of it: Ow, my colon:

So, with having my stool tested, I had to poop in a bowl, scoop out a tiny bit to put in two smaller-than-pinprick vials, to then shake and mix it up like a friggin' martini: No olives: Thursday is much of the same: Friday is my blood test:

And might I add, this was NOT a satisfying morning for me:

:This entry brought to you by my colon: